Fascist Friday
by Hippie Mermaid
Summary: A parody of Freaky Friday featuring The Young Ones. Rick and Vyv switch bodies. How will the archenemies adjust to this and is there a way out of this nightmare?
1. Rick's POV – The Party

**Fascist Friday **

**By Hippy Mermaid**

**Fandom:** The Young Ones

**Genre:** Humour/Horror

**Rating: **T (adult themes, violence, low level coarse language)

**Summary:** A parody of Freaky Friday featuring The Young Ones. Rick and Vyv switch bodies. How will the archenemies adjust to this and is there a way out of this nightmare?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own The Young Ones or any of its characters. The idea was taken from the movie 'Freaky Friday', which isn't owned by me either. However I do own this story, so hands off! No profit has been gained from this work.

**Reviews:** As I've said in all my other fics, constructive criticism and honest feedback much appreciated, but nothing nasty. Thank you for your time.

**Chapter One**

**Rick's POV – The Party**

Rick dramatically flung the door to his bedroom open, threw himself on his bed and began wailing into his pillow, much in the fashion of a teenage girl who had just had an argument with her parents.

_How could he? How could Vyvyan be so mean? _

Vyvyan was usually a meanie, but Rick never thought he could be capable of this. The fact that it happened on his birthday, no, his **TWENTY-FIRST **birthday made it even worse. Because of this, Rick was now probably going to be the least popular girl, uh, boy at Scumbag University. Rick wistfully reminisced the days as the prettiest, most popular student there – the Queen Bee. Gangs of students would run to greet him upon his arrival for a friendly routine wedgie. Oh, how they laughed when they tickled his sides to hear his girly high-pitched giggle. Others would shower him with their food in honour as he made his way down the corridor. Not only was he immensely popular among the students, but the teachers also. He remembered the time his sociology teacher and idol, Jim Morrison, fondly called him a "spotty try-hard bastard". Oh, they shared many a secret joke, that unstoppable teacher-student duo of Rick and Jim Morrison. Now, in just the space of a few seconds, his popularity had plummeted to despairing lows.

Rick looked up from his pillow, revealing a red, tear-stained face. He scanned the room, his eyes resting upon the biro that lay on top of his notebook. He momentarily contemplated suicide as he imagined himself grabbing the biro and stabbing it into his heart.

_What is the point of living if I can't be popular? _

His head dropped back down onto the soaking pillow and he continued to weep pitifully.

_How did things ever result to this? I had so much promise…_

He began to compose a poem in his head to express the way he was feeling.

_I know Satan, yes I do_

_He has orange spiky hair and wears denim and chains_

_He calls himself Vyvyan…_

He tried, but the thumping headache he possessed made it difficult to think properly. Otherwise, he would have been able to compose a masterpiece quicker than it takes Neil to ruin dinner. Flooded by his own bitter sadness, the current of tears drifted Rick into a deep sleep…

Rick had so been looking forward to the party. He had been planning it all week – his 21st birthday party, to which every student at the university and all his favourite hip teachers were invited. He would have invited his parents too, if not for their recent death. That night, every thing had been going splendidly and his crush, Mary, (remember Rick's references to her in "Bambi", boys and girls?) was showing all the signs that she was desperate to get into Rick's pants. _Well, who can blame her?_ Rick thought. Yes, it was going to be the best night of his young life. Until…

"Hey everyone! Look what I found under Rick's floorboards!"

Everyone at the party immediately turned his or her head to see Vyvyan standing on the staircase. Rick's blood ran cold.

_No… Not…_

"Cosmopolitan!" Vyvyan declared in a girly voice, mocking Rick. He pulled out the well-read magazine from behind his back and waved it around.

It's funny how one little moment can completely shatter your life forever.

Instantaneously, everyone at the party except Rick burst into a roar of laughter. Rick looked around the room with wide, petrified eyes, rivers of sweat coursing down his face. Cruel jeers and taunts were shouted out amongst a sea of grotesquely stretched laughing faces. Everyone then began to clap their hands together and chant, "Cosmo Boy! Cosmo Boy! Cosmo Boy!"

It was like a nightmare. Rick just wanted to die.

He then looked up to see **Vyvyan** on the staircase, acting all pleased with himself and an intense rage surged through him. His eyes narrowed, sparking with a hateful glint.

"Vyvyan! You bastard! How could you do this to me?" he screamed. And just when he was beginning to grow fond of his housemate. He had even begun to find him attractive! But this… now nothing could remove the hurt that Vyvyan's actions had caused him.

"I hate you, Vyvyan and I always will! You've ruined my birthday! I'll never forgive you for this!"

With that, Rick girlishly ran up the stairs with his head in his hands, accompanied by bursts of high-pitched whimpering.


	2. Vyv’s POV – The Party

**Chapter Two**

**Vyv's POV – The Party**

**Author's note: K, everyone, here's the second chapter – the situation from Vyv's point of view (POV). I wasn't completely happy with this chapter myself, to be honest, but after re-reading and editing it a million times, I thought, "Oh, bugger it. It's good enough." It includes a little analysis of Rick and Vyv's relationship. I don't know if it's accurate, but it's my opinion. Anyway, I promise that next chapter we'll get onto all the really juicy stuff! ;)**

Vyv stood on the staircase, dazed and confused over the scene that had just taken place before him.

_What the hell was that?_

He knew Rick was on the emotional side, but he honestly didn't expect _that_ sort of reaction. Just like Rick, the big bloody drama queen that he is. It was only a joke. Everyone was just having a bit of a laugh over Rick's Cosmo. What's wrong with that?

Even Vyv had to admit he was sometimes unnecessarily mean to Rick. It was very often that he went out of his way to harass Rick. But he couldn't help it. It was just every time he saw that spotty face and those stupid little pigtails, he was filled an insatiable urge to make the little git's life hell. Despite Rick probably being the biggest knob-end to ever walk the earth, a person who truly no-one liked, it would help him get through the day without Vyv's constant beatings if he didn't get so upset and anxious over everything all the time. Just the thrill of seeing Rick fall to pieces made him a fun target. Vyv's approach to life was just so carefree (some thought a little TOO carefree) that he really couldn't understand Rick's behaviour. To put it simply, Vyv didn't care about anything, in contrast to Rick who cared about EVERYTHING. Having lived a very catastrophic life, Vyv decided a long time ago that there was no use in worrying or getting upset. He found that this attitude made things so much easier to deal with. Rick and Vyv were emotional opposites; Rick was the poet, who believed in love and peace and all those girly things (though he hardly did anything to induce love and peace within the share house) and Vyv was the punk, who believed in mindless violence. That is why they clashed.

Around Vyv, the party unfolded once more. He nonchalantly dropped the magazine on the stairs and stumbled down to the room below. After a few rounds of drinks with his punk friends, a strange and alien feeling of guilt began to play on his mind. Poor Rick. After all, he did ruin little git's 21st. Maybe he should find Rick and apologize.

_Oh, bugger it. I did nothing wrong. It's his fault for being a total girl and not being able to take a joke._

Vyv bore in mind that Rick would most likely not accept his apology anyway.

_The real reason Rick is probably upset is because his pathetic passes on Yellow Pages didn't work. _

Rick had approached the tall, busty blonde with a wide smile plastered on his face, which was intended to be charming but instead made him look clinically insane. She was engaged in a conversation among her group.

"Why hello, my little sugar plum," he drawled, trying to sound sexy, but failing miserably.

Mary turned to Rick, a bewildered look on her face. "Are you talking to me?"

"Of course, sweetness," continued Rick in the same creepy voice. He grinned. "I'm the birthday boy."

"Ah, yes. So YOU'RE Rick. The guy that keeps sending me love letters."

A flicker of a frown crossed Rick's face as he was offended she didn't know who he was, but he quickly resumed his flirting persona. "That's right."

"Ah." Mary nodded, then turned back to her group conversation.

Rick grabbed her arm, turning her back towards him as she gave an indignant groan.

"May I just say how smashing you look tonight?"

"I look smashing?"

With Mary facing towards him, Rick's attention immediately fell to her chest, revealed by the low cut of her dress. "Yes, you are a very beautiful lady," he said as though in a trance.

"Well, thanks." She then, once more, took this opportunity to turn back to her group. Rick clearly wasn't going to accept that.

He pulled her out of the group and dragged her away. "What are you doing?" she shrieked, while the other members of her group glared at Rick. All this commotion caught the attention of everyone in the room.

Rick planted himself in front of Mary, blocking her view and preventing her from moving. "Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. You naughty girl. You forgot to bring a birthday present."

"I didn't know I had to. No one else brought one," she replied honestly.

"That's okay," whispered Rick, threading an arm around her waist and pulling her towards him. "You can give me my birthday present now."

He then leaned in towards her and closed his eyes, puckering his lips and sticking his tongue out. Mary screamed and tried to push him away from her. "Get away from me, you little perv!"

Shocked laughter mixed with horrified gasps could be heard around the room from the fellow party guests.

When Mary finally freed herself from Rick's grip, she threw a nearby drink into his face.

"If you come near me ever again or send me any more of your pathetic love letters, I'll call the pigs!" she warned him as she stormed off in a fury, leaving Rick with a somewhat bemused look and beer dripping sadly from his pigtails.

A look of terror struck Vyv as he had a sudden realization: _This lager is actually making me THINK! _He promptly smashed the glass against the wall before it played any more evil tricks on him.


	3. Surprises in the Mirror

**Chapter Three**

**Surprises in the Mirror**

**Author's note: Yeah, I know that this chapter has been delayed for a very long time. I also know this is a pretty short chapter. I also know that the chapter title couldn't possibly be any worse. :P Anyway, sorry for all three of these things!**

Rick awoke with a start. Jerking forward, he let out a gasp and his eyes sprung open.

_I must have fallen asleep…_

It took a few seconds for him to recollect his thoughts.

_Last night. My 21st. Cosmopolitan secret exposed. Vyvyan is a bastard. Party ruined. Life is over. _

He plopped his head back down on the mattress and closed his eyes, suddenly not wanting to get up, remembering he no longer had a reason to. He fisted his hands in his hair and groaned as all the horrible memories came rushing back to him. The fact that the morning greeted him with the same pounding headache he had fallen asleep with the previous night, which now seemed to have intensified somewhat, made it all the worse.

As he lay there and tried to piece together his muddled mind, he realised that something felt odd but couldn't quite put his finger on it. Perhaps it was the position he was in. Everything was dark. He couldn't remember falling asleep upside-down, with his head beneath the covers and his feet resting on the pillow.

_Aargh! What's that horrid smell?_

Rick had only just noticed the evil, toxic, deathly, nose hair-burning, eye-watering stench beneath those covers. It was unbearable – he could hardly breathe! Such a smell could never have come from his bottom! His parents were respectable citizens, after all – practically blue blood!

_Oh God, where am I?_

He coughed and spluttered as the unholy smell choked him. He thrashed around in the covers, desperately trying to find a way out of the hell chamber he had ended up in, but only getting tangled as a result. He eventually fell out of the bed, crashing onto the hard wooden floor. Still furled up in the covers, rather like the meat in a sausage roll, he tried another tactic – he grabbed the covers with his fists and threw them off. Free from the putrid cocoon, Rick lay on the floor, gasping for air. He gave a sigh of relief.

After a moment, he unsteadily stood up and stumbled over to the bathroom across the hall. Leaning over the filthy, hair-clogged sink, he splashed his face with cold water. As he rose to check his reflection in the bathroom cabinet, Rick got the shock of his life. For staring back at him in the mirror, was not his face, but…

VYVYAN'S!

Rick gave the longest, loudest, most hysterical scream of his life (and that's saying something!).


	4. Clone freaks

**Chapter Four**

**Weirdo Clones**

**Author's note: Hi everyone! Here's the fourth chapter! This is written from Vyvyan's POV. But before we start the chapter, I would just like to say, thank you to everyone who read and reviewed this – I really appreciate your positive reviews! Your comments are the source of my motivation, so please keep 'em rolling in! Anyway, enjoy chapter four of Fascist Friday! (I hope so!)**

Rick's scream rang throughout the house, awaking all of his flat mates and probably most of the neighbourhood. It startled the birds sitting on the roof, which quickly flew away in a flurry. A certain punk awoke from his sleep, not very happily, to the unpleasant sound of Rick's screech. He put the pillow over his head, covering his ears. He was too tired to go and shut him up.

As he gained full consciousness, he became aware of the shocking hangover he now possessed. Even so, he smiled as he remembered the party; images floating back of party guests from all social groups laughing and clapping whilst singing "how low can you go?" as they played limbo, with the sound of Rick crying up stairs. Neil had won – despite being the tallest, he was also the most flexible. Neil seemed very pleased about this – it was possibly the only time Vyv had seen him express an emotion vaguely resembling joy. Actually, any emotion that wasn't his trademark listless, 'life-has-defeated-me' despair. It was amazing what a great time the lads had when Rick wasn't around!

Gradually, and with some effort, Vyv lifted his head off the pillow and rubbed his eyes. Opening them, he looked around the room and felt disorientated. This didn't look like his bedroom! There was a record player – Vyv certainly didn't remember owning one of those. A tower of Cliff Richard records and poncy, political books were stacked on the floor. Posters promoting anarchy and vegetarianism, among over things, covered the walls, and a huge anarchy flag hung from the ceiling and stretched out across the room. (This probably doesn't look like Rick's bedroom in the show, but this is just my personal vision of what it would be like.) He looked down at the coverer, not like his at all. It was black with a big, white peace symbol painted on it. Then Vyv suddenly realized… he was in Rick's bedroom! Even worse, he was in Rick's BED! He quickly jumped out before he got infected with some horrible disease that made you turn into an annoying, unattractive, political activist loser that no-one liked.

_Why was I in Rick's bed? _he wondered. He began to grow concerned._ Oh God, what happened last night? _

"Vyvyan! Vyvyan!" Rick's voice called out.

Vyv turned and saw someone standing in the doorway. Someone that looked very familiar. Someone that looked like him. A LOT like him. It WAS him! _Wait a minute… That doesn't make sense…_

"Vyvyan, this is Rick! You won't believe what's happened to us!" the figure told him, Rick's voice emerging from it as it spoke.

Vyv just stared at the thing before him in total confusion, not really listening to what it was saying.

He suddenly screamed. "Aaaarrggghh! That's me! Why am I there?"

The thing gave an exasperated sigh. "That's what I'm trying to tell you, Vyvyan… Now listen to me, because this is going to sound really strange. I think we've switched bodies somehow. I'm trapped in your body and you're trapped in mine. I have no idea how this happened, but we need to find a way to fix it…"

"Get away from me, you clone freak!" (Okay, I ripped that line off the _Freaky Friday_ remake film! But it just fits so well!). Vyv, not absorbing a word of what the thing was saying, stepped forward and hurled a punch in its face. The thing tumbled over backwards.

"Vyvyan! You bastard!" it shouted back. Slumped on the floor against the wall, it fondled around for someone to throw. Its hand found a thick novel and flung it in Vyv's direction. The thing's aim was way off.

"Ha ha! Your poncy little book missed me!" teased Vyv, flicking a 'v'.

"I'll kill you!" growled the thing. Enraged, it lunged toward Vyv, screaming like a wild animal. It grabbed onto Vyv's leg and began clawing and biting it.

Vyv shook it off with a simple kick. He then grabbed the thing by the collar and lifted it into the air. He looked into its eyes with a burning glare and his fist tightened, preparing the thing for the beating of its life.

The thing began to tremble in fear, struggling to free itself from Vyv's grip.

"Vyyyan, stop! This is pointless!" it blurted, close to tears.

"Yeah? I thought mindless violence always was," Vyv replied.

"Look. I AM Rick and we DID switch bodies. If you don't believe me, then take a look in the mirror," it tried to reason.

Vyv hesitated as he thought this over. "Alright then," he finally said, dropping the thing carelessly onto the ground and heading off in the direction of the bathroom.

"Ow! You bastard!" the thing exclaimed as it crashed painfully onto floor.

Vyv walked into the bathroom and glanced in the mirror.

And for the second time that morning, the house was filled with an impossibly long, loud, hysterical scream.


	5. Weird Hippie Voodoo

**Chapter Five**

**Weird Hippie Voodoo**

**A groovy note from the Hippie Mermaid: Sorry about the lateness of this chapter. Again, thank you for all your positive reviews! I love you all! Enjoy!**

After four hours of Rick desperately trying to calm him down and convince him that this wasn't just an Ajax-induced hallucination, Vyyan finally came to terms with situation.

"So how do you think this happened?" Vyv asked Rick.

"I don't know, but I bet that Rubber Johnny Neil had something to do with it," Rick replied, his eyes narrowing at the thought of their housemate.

"Let's smash his face in!" Vyv proposed and they both marched off in the direction of Neil's bedroom.

Neil was sitting cross-legged in the middle of his room, peacefully meditating, when all of a sudden, the door fell to the floor with a loud thump, filling the air with dust.

"Oh, heavy, I'm gonna have to get a new door now," the filthy, long-haired hippie moaned. "And I was just about to reach enlightenment."

The next second, Rick and Vyv barged into his room.

"Neil! You used some weird hippie voodoo to make us switch bodies, didn't you, you little creep?" Rick yelled, his voice coming of Vyv's body. Neil seemed to show no surprise or confusion at this supernatural phenomenon.

"Oh yeah, like everything's my fault. Whenever anything bad happens, I always get the blame," Neil scowled.

Vyv stepped forward, in Rick's body, to gently inquire, "But did you make us switch bodies?"

"Well yeah, but that's beside the point."

Vyv swiftly grabbed Neil by the collar and screamed at him, "You bastard! You better tell us how to switch back, because I can't stand being trapped in the body of an ugly git!"

"Oh, I should think you would be quite used to _that_, Vyvyan!" quipped Rick with a snort, before his face was met with Vyv's other fist.

Neil tried to remain calm and gently reason with Vyv. "Okay man, don't get all uncool and heavy. Like, you and Rick have been really uncool with each other lately, I've noticed. That's why I put a spell on you to make you switch bodies. I thought that maybe by being in each other's bodies and living each other's lives, you two could learn to understand each other. So to switch back, all you need to do is to create peace with one another." He added whimsically, "That way, there's more love spread throughout the world…"

Vyv hesitantly let Neil go, as his furious panting slowed to calm breathing.

Silence…

He abruptly threw an angry punch in Neil's face, knocking him unconscious.


	6. Switching Places

**Chapter Six**

**Switching places**

**A groovy note from the Hippie Mermaid: First of all, I am so sorry – I know this chapter has taken forever to arrive! I've just been unbelievably busy! Thank you so much for you patience and all your lovely reviews! I hope this chapter is okay – it was kinda rushed believe it or not, I only began thinking about what to write in it today! Enjoy! And thanks for your suggestions!**

"Neil! You complete bastard! I hate you!"

Rick screamed abuse at Neil's unconscious form as Vyv proceeded to angrily tear out of the room, kicking and punching holes in the walls along the way.

On the floor below, Rick heard Vyv's voice cry, "This is it – goodbye cruel world!" He raced downstairs, making it just in time to see Vyv standing in the kitchen and holding a carving knife to his wrist.

"VYV! Noooooo!" cried Rick as he leapt in Vyv's direction and grabbed the knife's handle.

Vyv fought with Rick for possession of the knife as both men gripped the handle.

"Give it back! I don't want to live if I'm gonna be trapped in your body! It's not worth it! Living with you was bad enough!" Vyv yelled.

"There's a way out of this!"

"What? Making peace with you? I'd rather stick needles in my eyes and set my hair on fire!"

"You already did that. Last Christmas, remember?"

"Great days," sighed Vyv.

"Vyvyan, please! If you kill yourself, you will really be killing me! You're in my body, remember?" Rick pleaded with Vyv in frantic fear.

Vyv paused, momentarily contemplating this. An excited smile then spread upon his face. "All the more reason to do this, then!" he replied, forcing the pointed end of the knife towards his wrist.

Rick let go of the knife with one hand and used it to pick up a mallet that was lying upon the kitchen table behind him, while keeping his grip on the knife with the other hand. He then swung the mallet around and knocked Vyv over the head with the heavy object. Rick watched his own body stumble backwards and release its grip on the knife, holding its head in pain.

As one could easily have predicted, an extremely violent fight followed, involving broken bones, sprays of blood, head injuries, removed eyeballs, permanent disfigurement, permanent brain damage and permanent damage done to internal organs, not to mention the fact that half the house was destroyed in the process. Eventually the two men realised that this was getting them nowhere and Vyv discovered that both bodies may very well be immortal, so that eliminated the suicide option.

"What should we do?" Vyv asked Rick.

"Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Like Neil said, we have to live each other's lives and act as one another, so as not to confuse anyone. We need to pretend everything is normal." Rick paced around the room as he thought, rubbing his hands together almost excitedly. "So our task currently is to go about today as we usually would have, only as one another. Today you will pretend to be me and live today as I had planned."

"And that involves...?"

"A sociology lecture, followed by a Friends of Stalin Society meeting, followed by a Cliff Richard fan club meeting and lastly, an Anarchist's Society meeting."

Vyv fell to the floor and buried his face in his hands, trying to suppress all the grief that Rick's words caused him. "Could this get any worse?"

"Vyvyan, I'll have you know I had a very exciting day ahead of me before this whole fiasco!" scolded Rick. "I'm envious that you get to go and do all these thrilling activities! You're a very lucky young man!"

Vyv simply rolled his eyes in response, and Rick went on to inquire, "Well, what did your day consist of?"

"Going to the pub, hanging out with mates, getting drunk and beating up a few unfortunates."

Rick sneered. "Disgusting! You really a little commoner, aren't you? It's people like you that make Britain the hellhole it is today." A look of nobility then came over his face as he stood with his fist to his chest and looking toward the ceiling. "But I suppose what must be done must be done. I will go about this day you planned with vim and vigor, and perform a flawless impression of you."

Vyv laughed. "I'd like to see you try, mate! You can't even hold down a glass of cider, you little wimp!"

"Just because I live on a higher plane than you is no reason to get abusive, Vyvyan." He tried to make a fearsome, angry face, but it ended up looking more ridiculous than anything, with eyes popping out and pouted lips. He then clapped his hands together and walked off. "Now come along, we can't stand around here all day."

Vyv let out a long, deep sigh and followed.

Both men proceeded to get ready for the day, cleaning up in the bathroom and getting dressed. When Rick had finished dressing, he looked into the mirror. When he saw the nightmare of ugliness that was Vyvyan staring back at him instead of the handsome face he had come to expect, he collapsed into a heap of tears on the floor.

"Oh God! I'm trapped in the body in some strange man! This isn't right! This isn't really me! I need to be released!"

Mike overheard Rick's hollers of anguish from the drawing room, where he was reading the newspaper contently. He had only recently woken up (oddly enough, considering all the noise that had been made) and was unaware of the transformation Rick and Vyv had undertaken. He called back, "Now, it's okay, Rick. There are many other men out there like you. And there is something you can do about it. Just get a sex change."

"What? I don't wanna a sex change!"

"C'mon Rick, just admit it. The dresses in your wardrobe, the fact you're a virgin, your abnormal obsession with Cliff Richard… It's all too obvious."

"Mike, you don't understand! I'm trapped in Vyvyan's body!" Rick told his housemate as he entered the room to reveal his new form.

Mike immediately stood up from his seat on the couch and dropped the newspaper in shock. He removed his sunglasses and blinked, rubbing his eyes.

"B-but… How…?" he stuttered, lost for words.

"Neil played some little voodoo trick on Vyvyan and I, and now we've switched bodies," Rick explained, an expression of contempt crossing his face.

"Oh, I see. Neil's been practicing hippie voodoo again," Mike said understandably, nodding. "He summoned the god of cleanliness last week to save him from doing the housework."

"Lazy pig!" scorned Rick, hands on hips.

There was a long pause before it suddenly occurred to Rick what Mike had said before regarding his sexuality. He shuffled toward Mike, twiddling his fingers together. "So Mike, you think I'm queer?" he asked hesitantly.

"You mean you're straight?" Mike exclaimed, shocked.

Rick was flabbergasted. "Yes, of course I'm straight! I'm obsessed with girls!"

"Oh. I always just assumed you were gay."

"Why would you think that?" Rick looked at Mike as if he were mad.

"Well, to be honest, your behaviour sometimes is a bit… well, poofy."

Rick was then struck with an amazing realization. "My God! That's it! That's why I never get any girls – because they think I'm gay! Yes, it all makes perfect sense now! I mean, I'm so amazingly attractive, how would they be able to resist me otherwise?" The spotty young adult jumped about the place, thrilled there was now a specific reason for his lack of girl fun. "That's why they always run in the opposite direction whenever I approach them!"

"Yes, that along with the fact that you're an ugly, obnoxious prick," Vyv's voice behind him slurred as he entered the room.

Rick turned around to see, to his absolute horror, that his body was dressed like a punk's. His hair had been gelled into a mohawk and he wore an outfit consisting of denim accented with studs, chains and slogans. There was a studded belt around his hips and doc martens on his feet, along with a few punk-style accessories. Rick was outraged when he saw that Vyv had given him some new piercings!

"What on earth have you done to my body?" Rick demanded.

Vyv shrugged light-heartedly. "I thought I'd just update your look. What? Don't you like it?"

"It's disgusting! Anyway, it's MY body!"

"I don't care whose body I'm in, I refuse to walk around in those poncy clothes you always wear!" protested Vyv. "Anyway, you can't talk, look at what you're dressing my body in!"

Vyv gestured to Rick, who was wearing a pair of yellow dungarees emblazoned with a number of political badges. The nose ring and silvers stars on his forehead were gone, and his hair had been combed down and returned to its natural shade of blonde.

"What? This is the height of fashion, young man! At least you look vaguely presentable now."

"I think I'm gonna be violently and copiously sick!" Vyv exclaimed, turning away and vomiting on the drawing room floor.


	7. Morality and Good Clean Living

**Chapter Seven**

**Morality and Good Clean Living**

**A groovy note from your author, Hippie Mermaid: Hey Fascist Friday readers! First of all, a huge apology for keeping you all waiting for so long! Trust me, I have not given up on this story, I've just been flat-out busy with schoolwork! But I'm on holidays now for the time being, so I'll have plenty of time to write fanfiction! This chapter is pretty short and not much happens - it's basically just Rick walking down the street and thinking. By the end of it, you'll probably be like, "I waited ages for this piece of crap!" But believe me, there's more on the way very soon - this is just something to go on with in the meantime. Anyway, thankyou all so much for your patience! Enjoy!**

Rick closed the door as he left the London flat, heading down the street to the Kebab and Calculator. Despite adding a few "Rick" touches, it felt awkward being in Vyvyan's body. He had to keep reminding himself that everyone now saw him as Vyvyan. He felt like everyone on the street was staring at him, as if they somehow knew his secret. He shook his head. _I'm just being paranoid._ Walking along, he felt heavier somehow - supposedly because Vyvyan's body was a lot bulkier and more muscular than his own, which was more reminiscent of a twig.

It was a typical morning (or was that afternoon?) outside – slow, dreary and grey. The streets were dirty, the air was cold, and the sky was dense and pale. To add to the depressing atmosphere, Rick was setting out to do the most horrid task he could think of - being Vyvyan. His plans included going to their local pub to hang around a bunch of no-hope losers and engage in most indecent pastimes. Rick tsk-ed as he made his way down the street, his face twisted in a permanent sneer. His body was stiffened, hands in his pockets, shoulders raised, and eyes staring down at his feet as he strode swiftly along.

Despite this resentment, a part of Rick was looking forward to the challenge.

_Maybe while being in Vyvyan's body, I could really turn his life around. With a little sensibility and rational decision-making, I'm sure his life could be as great and meaningful as mine. _

Rick grinned and rubbed his hands together as he was struck by this incredible thought. _Yes! Of course! That's what I'll do - I'll use this opportunity to change Vyvyan's life for the better! And I'll encourage his mates to follow my example! I'll promote morality and good clean living to them, so I'll be improving _their_ lives as well! And when this ghastly nightmare is over, Vyvyan will be so thankful he'll never be mean to me again! Oh Rick, you're a genius! AND incredibly sexy, might I add! _

Then he remembered what Vyvyan had said to him earlier.

"If you do ANYTHING AT ALL to embarrass me in front of my friends, then I swear I will KILL YOU!" the punk had screamed in his face. Rick shook off the negative thought.

_Vyvyan doesn't know what's good for him. He may be screaming and pulling out his hair in humiliation now, but later on, he'll be so grateful for the improvement in his life that he'll kiss me! …Wait, kiss me? That couldn't be right. Where did that come from? _

A horrible thought occurred to Rick, his eyes widening in horror._ Oh God, I wonder what Vyvyan's doing in my body? Knowing him, he'll probably mess everything up for me! This could be disastrous!_ But then his face changed back to the picture of determination. _No, I can't be worrying about that. I have to focus on what I have to do. _

The young man could see he was now approaching his destination. He opened the door and entered the Kebab and Calculator.


	8. Sociology Student Vyv

**Chapter Eight**

**Sociology Student Vyv**

**A groovy note from the Hippie Mermaid: Hi Fascist Friday readers! Yeah, sorry – I know this chapter has taken a ridiculously long time! I'd be surprised if any of you are still interested! Believe me, I've just been really busy! Anyway, thankyou for your support and lovely reviews as always! Hope this chapter is OK – I only wrote it just now, on impulse, and I don't know if it sounds any good, but I thought since it has taken so long already, I might as well just post it and if it's crap, I can always go back and edit it, right? **

As Vyv entered Scumbag University, he was greeted with a chorus of "Cosmo Boy" and a barrage of rotten fruit flying his way. He felt confused as he was used to cheerful greetings from friends whenever he came to Scumbag (which was usually about twice a year). Then he suddenly remembered. He was Rick: spotty wanker and the subject of universal dislike.

"Nice look, Cosmo Boy!" sneered a punk, following him menacingly as he made his way down the hallway. "Trying to look so tough to cover up the fact you're a girly, private-schooled poof! Are Mummy and Daddy upset about the piercings?"

Vyv had a strong urge to turn around and smash the guy's face in, but he had to keep reminding himself that this was Rick they were insulting, not him personally. Besides, he doubted this thin, fail little body had the strength to punch these guys out. And they were 'his people' too - the sort of guys he generally hung out with and got along with. Nevertheless, being their victim instead of their ally put those people in a whole different perspective.

So Vyv walked through the halls, dodging taunts, insults and flying objects as he tried in vain to find Jim Morrison's class.

_Bugger, I wish I had gone to this place more often! _

He walked around in circles. Everything looked so overwhelmingly unfamiliar. He hadn't the first clue where he was.

He then walked past a room and heard a voice whisper, "Oh look, there's Rick. I don't think he can see us. Hey, R…!"

"SHH! We don't want him to come to class!" said a male voice. It belonged to a conservatively-dressed man standing at the front of the room. Jim Morrison, Vyv assumed.

"Wait! I'm here!" cried Vyv, catching the door just as Jim began to close it. The room was filled with disappointed groans. Jim rolled his eyes as he sighed, "Yes, Rick. Please be seated."

Vyv took the nearest seat, heaving his heavy doc martins up on the desk and casually lighting up a cigarette. People stared at him.

"What?" asked Vyv, confused. He sighed. "Oh fine," he mumbled as he put his feet down and stubbed out his cigarette on the desk.

Jim Morrison cleared his throat. "Anyway, on with the lecture…"

The lecturer began to babble on about things that were incomprehensible to Vyv, his voice becoming a meaningless buzz.

"The interesting thing about history is that is seems to repeat itself over and over. We talk of peace, but as long as humans exist in a society, war, destruction, greed, hate and oppression seem inevitable. Do you believe there's any way humanity can exist peacefully? Any form social structure, any form of government that can help us to achieve this?"

Vyv raised a hand and said at the top of his voice, "Look, I propose we kill all the really annoying bastards in the world and burn down things that make us angry, like children's television studios."

There was an awkward silence at his not-very-well-thought-out theory.

"Hmmm, not the most intelligent answer I've heard but thanks for your contribution, Rick," replied Jim Morrison. "Any other suggestions?"

A number of other students put up their hands and the perpetual buzz continued.

_Well, I thought it was a good idea_, thought Vyv, completely perplexed.

Bored once more, he turned to his right to see an attractive girl sitting next to him.

"Hey there," he said.

When the girl turned to him, her face was a picture of horror and disgust.

"Piss off, you prick," she sneered and stood up, moving seats as quickly as she could.

Vyv was taken aback. He wasn't exactly what you'd call a "ladies man", but he had never experienced _that_ sort of reaction.

He felt a brief spark of admiration for Rick for being able to hold his head up high despite the way people treated him. Just then, Neil's words floated back to him:

"_I thought that maybe by being in each other's bodies and living each other's lives, you two could learn to understand each other. So to switch back, all you need to do is to create peace with one another."_

He then screamed and fell off his seat, startled, when he discovered that Neil was crouching beside him and whispering into his ear.

"Neil! What are you doing here?" he exclaimed.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm guiding you though your spiritual journey," Neil replied, making waves with his arms to emphasise the words "spiritual journey".

"PISS OFF, HIPPIE!" screamed Vyv and somehow, Neil disappeared that very second.

"Are you quite right there, Rick?" Jim Morrison asked.

Vyv glanced around the room and realised that everyone was staring at him.

Vyv cleared his throat and tried to make his voice as girly and poncy as possible. "Oh yes, Mr. Morrison! I'm fine! I was just reciting the lines for my role in a girly Shakespeare play!"

"Hmmm… sounds like a very interesting Shakespeare play," Jim Morrison responded wryly.

"Oh yes, it's not very well-known… It's called _Piss Off Hippie_. It was one of his more provocative works, caused a bit of a stir in his time and was actually banned from being performed. It only recently started being performed now and what a gem it is."

"Hmm, yes, it must be extremely rare and unknown, considering I did a unit on Shakespeare and never once came across a play called _Piss Off Hippie_. In fact, I've never even heard the phrase "piss off hippie" mentioned in any Shakespeare works."

Everyone around him snickered and muttered insults under their breath.

"Anyway Rick, I know you are passionate about your Shakespeare and your poetry, but could you please refrain yourself from screaming out quotes in the middle of my sociology lecture? Thankyou."

You could just tell from the snide, condescending tone in his voice that this man disliked Rick very much and generally found him to be a nuisance. Obviously, Rick had the wrong impression when he spoke of his and Jim Morrison's powerful friendship and strong mental connection. Vyv felt almost sad at this thought.

_Hmmm… Maybe it _is_ hard being Rick… Maybe I should consider NOT making his life a living hell…_ Vyv reflected when the lecture had continued. He shook his head. _Ah, bugger it. It's his fault things got to this stage. It's not as though he's particularly nice to anyone. _

Despite his many embarrassing flaws, people would probably dislike Rick a whole lot less if he weren't so arrogant and rude. Maybe even feel sorry for him.

_He's not just a girly little twit, he's a bastard too._

For the rest of the lesson, Vyv kept his head down and was completely silent. _Rick would be so loud and obnoxious in a class such as this - he'd be loving every minute of it_, he thought. But unlike Rick, he wasn't blessed with the gift of delusion and he could see when people didn't like him - and he could see very clearly now that people didn't Rick. Not that Vyv cared if people liked him, of course - his whole life was about doing he wanted and damning the consequences. But Rick wasn't like him and Rick obviously cared very much about what people thought of him, despite his constant rants about anarchy and pathetic attempts at trying to appear like a rebel and a rule-breaker. Vyv sighed. He wanted to take this opportunity of being in Rick's body to humiliate him, to make his reputation even worse than it already is… but he just couldn't. He considered ways he could get through this University attendance without causing Rick too much trouble. Even if he was assertive, demonstrated all those skills that Vyv had used as a coping strategy and everyone had learnt to fear, it wouldn't do any good. In Vyv's opinion, Rick would just appear even more pathetic, as if he was trying hard to be something he's not. No, the only way he could see Rick was going to get through this University attendance was to be as invisible as possible.


	9. Message to FF readers

Hey everyone

I was prompted by this message to speak with everyone regrading the whole "will you continue this?" thing:

"Will you be updating at all?  
'Cause I know it's been like, way over a year since your last update but I'm still hoping you'll continue! :D"

OK. First of all, I'd like to apologise for leaving the readers of this story hanging. I've been so overwhelmingly grateful for your positive responses and I feel as if it's undeserved because I haven't been faithful to you as readers and for that, I feel terrible. However, the thing is… I'll have to put this bluntly, I think my inspiration for this story has kind of dried up. I was extremely unhappy with the last chapter I wrote. I know this is probably very annoying to those of who were looking forward to finding out what happens next – and believe me, I also feel extremely irritated when a series I really love is left unfinished! I could try to write another chapter – but it probably would be really forced and really bad. Who knows? I might gain inspiration again one day… but in the meantime, don't hold your breath.

Apologies again – I hope you understand. Surely those of you who are writers know where I'm coming from? I will probably be posting some other fanfics when school ends in just a few weeks (for good! I might even have a life now - yay!). So if you like me as a writer, you may enjoy those. Hopefully it will be fit as some form of compensation, ha ha. :P

~Hippie Mermaid~


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